i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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