You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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