dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
