your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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