Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
