Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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