if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
