Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
