Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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