think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
