I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
