I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
