I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
