The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
