my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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