How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize