Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
