I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
