Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
