There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
