just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
