im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
