i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
