I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
