you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
