She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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