a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize