I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
