dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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