Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
