i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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