Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
