Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have post one night stand depression
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