It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
