Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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