i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
