I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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