Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
