One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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