I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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