Plan B is the new Plan A
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
