i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
