That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Damn victory sex feels great
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
