My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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