this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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