i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
