You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
