She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
