You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
