she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
