I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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