My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
