Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
