she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
