did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
