I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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