I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
