I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
