So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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