its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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